God has been breaking me down lately. I've always tried to put up the facade that I've got it all together. I'm always trying to do things for other people to pay them back. I've even tried it with God. I try to pretend that I'm ok. I try to pay God back for His grace. I can't do it. I can't do it any more.
So I've been living in North Carolina for a little over a month now with an amazing family. They have opened up their lives to me and have blessed me in so many ways. I can't even fully comprehend it right now. But they are providing everything I need. And I've been trying to think of how I can repay them. I can't repay them financially. I can't really give them anything or do anything for them. I can't repay them. And that really bothers me!!! I struggle so much with receiving things that I can't pay back. And it's the same with God. I've fought His grace for so long now. I've tried doing all of these good things- serving, helping people, etc. to try to repay Him. I can't do it. I cannot repay God for His grace.
I really feel like God is refining me right now. Breaking me down. Showing me that I can't do anything to gain/earn His grace, His love, His acceptance.
A couple passages from Scripture that I've been looking at lately have to do with being cut down to the bare bone. God breaking me down to the core. Realizing that I have nothing to offer. And yet God wants me.
"'Cut down the tree and trip off its branches; strip off its leaves and scatter its fruit. Let the animals flee from under it and the birds from its branches. But let the stump and its roots, bound with iron and bronze, remain in the ground, in the grass of the field.'" Daniel 4: 14-15
God is cutting off all of my excess- my branches, my leaves. All that remains is the stump and its roots-the foundation-God's truth. The truth is bound with iron and bronze. Wow. Pretty cool.
"Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice." Psalm 51: 7-8
God is cleansing me. He is washing me. Even though I may be crushed and molded, I will hear joy and gladness. I will rejoice.
Please join me in praying that God would...
"Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me." Psalm 51: 12
No comments:
Post a Comment