Breaking Down-Being Refined by God

God has been breaking me down lately.  I've always tried to put up the facade that I've got it all together.  I'm always trying to do things for other people to pay them back.  I've even tried it with God.  I try to pretend that I'm ok.  I try to pay God back for His grace.  I can't do it.  I can't do it any more.

So I've been living in North Carolina for a little over a month now with an amazing family.  They have opened up their lives to me and have blessed me in so many ways.  I can't even fully comprehend it right now.  But they are providing everything I need.  And I've been trying to think of how I can repay them.  I can't repay them financially.  I can't really give them anything or do anything for them.  I  can't repay them.  And that really bothers me!!!  I struggle so much with receiving things that I can't pay back.  And it's the same with God.  I've fought His grace for so long now.  I've tried doing all of these good things- serving, helping people, etc. to try to repay Him.  I can't do it.  I cannot repay God for His grace.

I really feel like God is refining me right now.  Breaking me down.  Showing me that I can't do anything to gain/earn His grace, His love, His acceptance.

A couple passages from Scripture that I've been looking at lately have to do with being cut down to the bare bone.  God breaking me down to the core.  Realizing that I have nothing to offer.  And yet God wants me.

"'Cut down the tree and trip off its branches; strip off its leaves and scatter its fruit. Let the animals flee from under it and the birds from its branches. But let the stump and its roots, bound with iron and bronze, remain in the ground, in the grass of the field.'"  Daniel 4: 14-15

God is cutting off all of my excess- my branches, my leaves.  All that remains is the stump and its roots-the foundation-God's truth.  The truth is bound with iron and bronze.  Wow. Pretty cool.

"Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.  Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice."  Psalm 51: 7-8

God is cleansing me.  He is washing me.  Even though I may be crushed and molded, I will hear joy and gladness. I will rejoice.

Please join me in praying that God would...

"Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit to sustain me."  Psalm 51: 12

Living in Babylon but looking towards Zion

"Zion & Babylon"- Josh Garrels

Oh great mammon of form and function
Careless consumerist consumption
Dangerous dysfunction
Described as expensive taste
I’m a people disgraced
By what I claim I need
And what I want to waste
I take no account for nothing
If it’s not mine
It’s a misappropriation of funds
Protect my ninety percent with my guns
Whose side am I on?
Well who’s winning?
My kingdom’s built with the blood of slaves
Orphans, widows, and homeless graves
I sold their souls just to build my private mansion
Some people say that my time is coming
Kingdom come is the justice running
Down, down, down on me
I’m a poor child, I’m a lost son
I refuse to give my love to anyone,
Fight for the truth,
Or help the weaker ones
Because I love my Babylon
I am a slave, I was never free
I betrayed you for blood money
Oh I bought the world, all is vanity
Oh my Lord I’m your enemy
Come to me, and find your life
Children sing, Zion’s in sight
I said don’t trade your name for a serial number
Priceless lives were born from under graves
Where I found you
Say, my name ain’t yours and yours is not mine
Mine is the Lord, and yours is my child
That’s how it’s always been
Time to make a change
Leave your home
Give to the poor all that you own
Lose your life, so that you could find it
First will be last when the true world comes
Livin’ like a humble fool to overcome
The upside-down wisdom
Of a dying world
Zion’s not built with hands
And in this place God will dwell with man
Sick be healed and cripples stand
Sing Allelu
My kingdom’s built with the blood of my son
Selfless sacrifice for everyone
Faith, hope, love, and harmony
I said let this world know me by your love
By your love
Oh my child, daughters and sons
I made you in love to overcome
Free as a bird, my flowers in the sun
On your way to Mount Zion
All you slaves, be set free
Come on out child and come on home to me
We will dance, we will rejoice
If you can hear me then follow my voice

Your Grace Has Overwhelmed My Brokenness

"To Know Your Name"- Hillsong

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnvlpNVQocw



The precious blood of Jesus Christ redeems,
Forgiven I'm alive, restored set free.
Your majesty resides inside of me,
Forever I believe, forever I believe.
Arrested by Your truth and righteousness.
Your grace has overwhelmed my brokenness.
Convicted in Your Spirit, led by Your Word.
Your love will never fail.
Your love will never fail.
'Cause I know You gave, the world Your only Son for us to
Know Your name, to live within the Savior's love and He took my place,
Knowing He'd be crucified and You loved... You loved a people undeserving.

I am so undeserving.
I am so unworthy.
But it doesn't depend on me, but rather on God's faithfulness, His truth, His love, and His grace.


Your grace has overwhelmed my brokenness.

Isaiah 58: 9-10 and Enfoque Ciudad Videos

Here is a short video that Jenn and I made expressing the passion that God has given us for working in Guadalajara, Mexico with starting an orphanage to see the children from the streets experience the joy, hope and love of Jesus Christ.



Here is another short video that our two other teammates (Justin and Darren) have created to share the vision that we have for our ministry in Guadalajara, Mexico.



Also if you have facebook, here is a link to our group that we have created there to keep everyone updated on things: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=280085679483