I am nothing without God.

I am learning that in all actuality, I am nothing.  Now let's stop for a second.  Do we often admit that we are "nothing"?  No we don't.  It's actually really hard to come to terms with this idea that we are, in fact, nothing.  But when we look at the grandness of all who God is, the idea that we are nothing, is real.  God is so huge.  Without Him I am nothing.  Really.  I need to stop every morning before I start getting ready to remember this.  I am nothing without God.  I would not exist.  The people around me would not exist.  The trees outside my window.  The flowers on my table.  The food I eat.  The apartment I live in.  This world.  This world would not exist without God.  

Wow.  This is such a basic truth, and yet half of the time I live trying to ignore it.  I am nothing, but God has chosen me to do His work.  What?!?!  The God who created the universe. The God who created me. The God who created you, has chosen us to follow Him and do His work and experience His love?!?!  Wow this is truly incredible!  How is it possible that I could forget this so often?  I mean, really, this is huge.  It is truly remarkable that God would choose me, a twenty year old girl who really has no idea what she is doing with her life to serve alongside Him.  I am nothing.

Even as I sit here in Starbucks trying to focus on writing this blog, I am completely distracted.  I've got three or four internet tabs open to facebook, gmail, bank stuff, itunes, etc.  It's truly ridiculous.  I am constantly surrounding myself with stuff that I don't need.  Stuff that separates me from enjoying the true presence of God.  Why?  Why do I do this to myself?  What if I actually focused all of my time and energy onto serving God?  What would that even look like?  

What if I truly believed in my heart the promises of God.  I want to. I want to believe them so much.  But something is holding me back.  Something.  I think I am finally starting to realize that this "something" is myself.  My own pride.  My life is so full of pride.  It disgusts me.  I am living for myself.  On the outside I may look like the girl who wants to go out and serve everyone and who is always happy and thinking of others, but on the inside I have so much pride.  I hate it.  I want to stop living for myself and live completely and fully for God.  For the God that created me.

Even as I write this, I can't help but laugh.  I am so unfocused.  So I'm sitting on the patio of Starbucks in Zona Rosa in DF and looking at all of the people walking by.  God loves each and everyone of them more than I could ever imagine.  They are His children.  His sons and daughters.  I wish that every second of every day I would see all of the people around me as God's children.  How would I treat them differently?  What if I saw every person for who God made them to be?  What if I stopped focusing on myself, my struggles, my pains, my hurts, my sorrows, and refocused all of that energy onto loving others?  

That is my goal for my time down here in Mexico.  I want to learn how to see everyone as God's child and love them as I have been loved by God.  That's it. 

Please join me in praying that I would not get in the way of God's plans.  That my stubbornness, my selfishness, and my pride would not hinder me from following God's will.  That in everything that I do, I would be following God.  Living for God in every moment of my day.  Dying to myself and to this world.