I am nothing without God.

I am learning that in all actuality, I am nothing.  Now let's stop for a second.  Do we often admit that we are "nothing"?  No we don't.  It's actually really hard to come to terms with this idea that we are, in fact, nothing.  But when we look at the grandness of all who God is, the idea that we are nothing, is real.  God is so huge.  Without Him I am nothing.  Really.  I need to stop every morning before I start getting ready to remember this.  I am nothing without God.  I would not exist.  The people around me would not exist.  The trees outside my window.  The flowers on my table.  The food I eat.  The apartment I live in.  This world.  This world would not exist without God.  

Wow.  This is such a basic truth, and yet half of the time I live trying to ignore it.  I am nothing, but God has chosen me to do His work.  What?!?!  The God who created the universe. The God who created me. The God who created you, has chosen us to follow Him and do His work and experience His love?!?!  Wow this is truly incredible!  How is it possible that I could forget this so often?  I mean, really, this is huge.  It is truly remarkable that God would choose me, a twenty year old girl who really has no idea what she is doing with her life to serve alongside Him.  I am nothing.

Even as I sit here in Starbucks trying to focus on writing this blog, I am completely distracted.  I've got three or four internet tabs open to facebook, gmail, bank stuff, itunes, etc.  It's truly ridiculous.  I am constantly surrounding myself with stuff that I don't need.  Stuff that separates me from enjoying the true presence of God.  Why?  Why do I do this to myself?  What if I actually focused all of my time and energy onto serving God?  What would that even look like?  

What if I truly believed in my heart the promises of God.  I want to. I want to believe them so much.  But something is holding me back.  Something.  I think I am finally starting to realize that this "something" is myself.  My own pride.  My life is so full of pride.  It disgusts me.  I am living for myself.  On the outside I may look like the girl who wants to go out and serve everyone and who is always happy and thinking of others, but on the inside I have so much pride.  I hate it.  I want to stop living for myself and live completely and fully for God.  For the God that created me.

Even as I write this, I can't help but laugh.  I am so unfocused.  So I'm sitting on the patio of Starbucks in Zona Rosa in DF and looking at all of the people walking by.  God loves each and everyone of them more than I could ever imagine.  They are His children.  His sons and daughters.  I wish that every second of every day I would see all of the people around me as God's children.  How would I treat them differently?  What if I saw every person for who God made them to be?  What if I stopped focusing on myself, my struggles, my pains, my hurts, my sorrows, and refocused all of that energy onto loving others?  

That is my goal for my time down here in Mexico.  I want to learn how to see everyone as God's child and love them as I have been loved by God.  That's it. 

Please join me in praying that I would not get in the way of God's plans.  That my stubbornness, my selfishness, and my pride would not hinder me from following God's will.  That in everything that I do, I would be following God.  Living for God in every moment of my day.  Dying to myself and to this world.

A broken city with hope for more

Every day I am completely amazed at how much our world needs hope.  I walk around the streets and see people. People hurting, people dying, people starving, people who appear to have it all together.  People walk around worshiping "Santa Muerte" (the saint of death).  It truly breaks my heart to see people who have no hope, no life, nothing.  Even though there is so much darkness in DF, there is also a lot of hope and followers of Christ amidst everything going on.  I have hope for this city.  The second largest city in the world, I have hope for because Christ is here.  God is in this city.  He is here at work in people's hearts.  He is here.  

Dios eterno, tu luz por siempre vivirá.

So it is officially two weeks in the city.  I am so excited to finally start getting into a schedule with my ministry.  Generally my weeks are going to involve going onto campus to start movements two days a week/one day service at Recobro or another place/one day at Tepito with prostitutes/service projects, etc.  I cannot wait for all of these amazing opportunities that God has given me.

Tomorrow I am going to have a staff meeting and then afterwards I get to go to Recobro.  Recobro is a home where women and children with mental disabilities live.  They are unable to communicate and have so many difficulties living daily life that the government of Mexico has completely thrown them aside.  They receive no help, nothing.  This Christ centered home for them allows people to go in an show love to them.  I am so excited.  I have heard stories about how hard it is to go, because the women and children just break your hearts.  I think that it is about time that my heart has been broken.  This past semester I have been so selfish and focused on myself and all of the difficulties that I have run into that I completely dismiss the struggles of others.  I am ready to love others.  I am ready to actually live like God has called me to live: loving others.

I am so excited for Wednesdays.  This Wednesday I am going to Tepito, the most dangerous town of all of Latin America.  This is where the gangs, the violence, the homeless, the drug cartel, the mafia, the prostitutes, the sex slave trade are all born.  This is where it all starts.  I feel like God is calling me to go there.  I want to work with the prostitutes.  I want to show them hope, love, acceptance, Jesus.  They have nothing to live for.  They sell themselves.  They know no other life.  I want to see God work in their lives, in their hearts.  I can't even really explain it, but my heart hurts for them.  I want to go there and be there with them.  I don't know what God is going to do, but I want to be there and experience the amazing ways that He is going to work.

There are just so many opportunities to serve.  I am so excited.  I am also going to hopefully get involved in a rehab-home for 11-12 year old girls and their children.  Yes that's right, 11-12 year old girls and their babies.  It just breaks my heart to even think of what their lives must be like.  These are girls who are still children and yet they have grown up in such an oppressive environment that has caused them to have children of their own.  I don't even really know what to say or to think, but I do know one thing. I know that I want to love them. I don't really know what that looks like, but I know that God is calling me to do it.

Gosh, these two weeks have been so wonderful.  I really feel like God has been clearing some things up for me.  I have no doubt in my mind that God  has me here for a reason.  I am so excited to do Stint (1 year internship) starting in August down here.  It is just so right.  I cannot wait.  I know that God has huge plans.

Please join me in praying against all of the spiritual warfare that we are experiencing down here.  God is doing huge things down here.

What if...

Grace:  We do not deserve it.  We can do nothing to get it.  God has given it to us freely.  My prayer for our stay in Mexico City is that we do not take for granted the amazing amount of grace that God has given to us. 

~You said, “Ask and you will receive whatever you need”  Oh Lord, I ask for the nations~            *Hillsong*

Wow!  God has provided for us in every way possible.  It is absolutely amazing.  And it is still truly a mystery to me.  I have no idea how this has happened.  There is really no explanation but God’s grace poured out into our lives.  I mean really, how do three girls who have only spent 7 weeks together decide to drop everything and move to Mexico???  7 weeks together, over 6 months apart—3 girls move to Mexico City, the second largest city in the world, and probably the most dangerous.  Why you might ask? Well I really can’t tell you, because I still can’t fully comprehend it, but I do know that God has brought the three of us together for something big.  And I don’t just mean something big in just our ministry will happen in Mexico City (DF), but something big in our hearts as well.

It has only been one week since we have arrived and we have already seen huge changes in our hearts towards so many things.  There is so much going on in this world that we are so unaware of or that we oftentimes choose to ignore.  My eyes have truly been opened to the realities of the world down here in DF.  Homelessness, poverty, abuse, orphans, corruption, violence, gangs, the wealth gap, the demeaning treatment of women, prostitution…  You name it, we have seen it here.  At first it can be completely overwhelming to see how these people are treated.  But unfortunately sometimes we have become so accustomed to seeing these things that we forget.  What if we saw the world and the people as God does?  What if we had God’s heart?  What if we really cared?  It is my prayer that God would give us His heart, His passion.

God has completely blessed us so so so much.  It is truly unfathomable.  We deserve nothing and yet God has so freely given to us all that we could ever need or want. 

~How great is our God~            *Chris Tomlin*

The second day we arrive in DF God provides us with an apartment.  A home.  A home where we can have people stay.  A home where we can feed people.  A home to serve others.  A home that is truly centered around fellowship and Christ.  Our home has everything that we could ever possibly need.  We moved in on Monday at 4 and by 6, it truly felt like our home.  It is just so right, so perfect, such a blessing.  I am so excited to see how God will use this home that He has given us to bless our neighbors, our security guards, university students, the homeless, the people of Mexico City.

~We cannot change on our own~              *Lecrae*

I want to fully depend on Christ in all areas of my life.  For so much of my life I have relied on myself to “become a better person”.  Over this past life-changing year, I have truly learned that I cannot change on my own.  We all need help.  We all need Christ.  What does it mean to be fully dependent on Christ?  I mean, FULLY DEPENDENT ON CHRIST IN ALL AREAS OF MY LIFE???  What does that even look like?  Our world is so backwards that we cannot even fathom what it would truly look like to follow Christ in all that we do: Wake up and fall to my knees thanking God for my life, worshipping our Savior, falling even more in love with my Father, learning to love and serve Him in all that I do: every second of every minute of every hour of every day of my life: ALL FOR HIM. 

What would that look like? 

How would our world be different? 

How would our lives be different?

What if we followed Jesus? 

What if we truly believed?

What if we completely humbled ourselves before the Creator of the Universe?

We always ask “WHAT IF?”

What if we stopped asking “what if?” and just did it?

WHAT IF…   

 

Life is soooo good!

so we have only been in mexico city for like three full days and it has been so amazing. god is soooo good. he has truly provided for us here. first of all our friend javo picked us up from the airport without telling us. such a blessing. love it. then we already had a hotel lined up for us to stay the first night. then alicia, becca and i plan out what we want to learn and how we want to grow during our 6 months here. the coffee shop dream. thats all i really have to say. it is going to happen. i know it will. god is sooooo good. we are all on the same page and it is amazing. i am so excited to see how we grow.

so our second day in df we go check out an apartment and it is perfect!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! right in the middle of the city. right next to a metro station. perfect price. just pefect. safe. yellow walls. 2 bedrooms. bathroom. kitchen!!! living room with amazing couch and really cute table! coffee maker! oxxo right around the corner. perfect. absolutely perfect.

third day in the city. new years eve! amazing! so in the afternoon we are walking down the street and we meet a couple of guys and their two kids-nephews. so we decide to meet them later and they drive us to the angel in the middle of the city. there is a huge concert with a really popular singer, but we didnt know who he was! jaja :) so then they invite us to have dinner with all of their family at their house. so we walk in and there are probably 20 or so people and we definitely stand out as 3 gringas! so we dance and listen to music and they serve us dinner! they dont even know us and yet they take us into their house. it was so much fun to celebrate new years with our new mexican family! so then their tradition is to right at midnight to eat 12 grapes as fast as they can and to make wishes for each month-grape. so much fun. and then later that night we went out and shot off fireworks. yes thats right. we shot off fireworks. then some police men started walking towards us and we asked our new friend samar if fireworks were illegal. and he was like yeah... totally calm and the three of us start freaking out thinking that we might have to go to jail! jaja. but he was messing with us, because they are all friends with the police. such a good end to the night. love it!

then the next day we just walk around the city and go back to lots of places from the summer--la bella lula, amazing pizza place, hotel mallorca, zocalo, starbucks, some more starbucks, and then a mc'cafe which is definitely a coffee shop in mcdonalds, but it is amazing!!!-- and now we have plans to go to pachuca to visit our friend javo and then to toluca to visit all of our friends this weekend! so so so exciting! i cannot wait!

yay! yay! yay! so god is soo soo good. and i cannot wait to see what happens. oh my gosh, it has only been less than four days and we have six months! i cannot wait! i love you all so much! ah! you should all come to visit! :)