Three Weeks in Fundación Emmanuel

First of all I want to apologize for not being able to keep up with everybody these past few weeks.  I moved into Fundación Emmanuel about 3 weeks ago and I didn't have internet access for a little over 2 weeks.  I didn't think I would make it, but here I am! haha :)

I have learned and seen so much over these few weeks. We currently have about 20-25 girls.  5 younger boys and 5 older boys.  And a 4 month old baby.  The kids are so different.  Not one is the same.  Not one has lived the same life.  They come from everywhere.  The majority of the kid's mothers are in the prison.  A lot of these kids have been raised in the prison.  A lot have been raised on the streets.  The 4 month old baby was found on the railroad tracks drinking from a bottle full of drugs.  She came in at 2 months old addicted to drugs.

These kids have a lot of problems.  I'm not going to lie to you and say that everything is great here.  It is hard.  The kids hit.  They bite.  They push.  They kick.  They scream.  They cry.  They run away.  They swear.  They mock you.

But...

Jesus is here.  God is moving in this place.  God is transforming hearts.  God is changing lives.  These kids were once without a home.  They now have a home.  They were once without food.  They now eat 3 times a day.  They were without clothes.  They now have clothes.  They were once without parents.  We are now their parents.  They were once without a family.  Now they have a family of 40-50.  They were once without a God.  But now they have Jesus.

God is at work.  Over the past few weeks I have undergone so many emotions.  I don't even know how to explain it.  I haven't had time to really sit down and process all that I have been feeling, experiencing, learning.

I'm going to tell you guys a few stories about what I've experienced here:

~My first day a little girl came up to me and sat on my lap.  I asked her her name and she told me to call her "niña de la calle" (street girl).  I told her no.  And I asked her what her name was.  She again responded street girl.  I kept asking and she kept responding street girl.  After about 10 times I asked her why she says that is her name and she told me that is what everybody used to call her.  She finally told me her real name and I told her that she was a child of God, a princess, that she is loved by the God of the universe.

~I let a little girl borrow my Bible and she ended up writing a message and a picture in the back of it.  She wrote:  Erika te quiero mucho. Dios ve tu corazon. Te quiero mucho. De Dayana.
Erika I love you a lot.  God sees your heart.  I love you a lot.

~I've seen kids daily pray for forgiveness for their behavior and from their sins and asking God to give them a spirit of obedience.

~I've talked to a 7 year old girl who grew up on the street with her family.  Her mother, father, and 2 younger brothers are still on the street.  She started crying and crying because she hasn't seen them in over a month.

~I've been working with a 7 year old boy who when he was born the doctors said he wasn't going to live past a few days.  He has a million different medical problems.  He has survived many diseases, tumors, surgeries, fevers over 104 degrees F.  Almost a year ago he learned how to walk.  And he is starting to talk.  He understands English and Spanish.  God has huge plans for this precious little boy.

God is at work here.  Pray for restoration for these children.  Pray that those of us in charge would have rest, patience, love.  Pray that God would teach us how to work with these kids in grace and truth.  That God would teach me how to love.

I want to learn how to love.

1 Peter is rocking my world!

PRAISE 
be to the
God
and
Father
of our Lord Jesus Christ.
In
HIS GREAT MERCY
he has given us
NEW BIRTH 
INTO 
A LIVING HOPE 
through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,
and into an inheritance that can
NEVER PERISH, SPOIL OR FADE
-kept in heaven for you,
who THROUGH FAITH
are shielded by
GOD'S POWER 
until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time.
In this you
GREATLY REJOICE, 
though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.
These have come so that
YOUR FAITH-
OF GREATER WORTH THAN GOLD, 
which perishes even though refined by fire-
may be proved genuine
and may
RESULT 
IN
PRAISE,
GLORY
AND HONOR
when Jesus Christ is revealed.
THOUGH YOU HAVE NOT SEEN HIM, 
YOU 
LOVE 
HIM;
AND EVEN THOUGH YOU DO NOT SEE HIM NOW
YOU 
BELIEVE 
IN 
HIM
and are filled with an
INEXPRESSIBLE
AND
GLORIOUS
JOY,
for you are receiving the goal of your faith,
THE SALVATION OF YOUR SOULS.

1 PETER 1: 3-9

Ephesians 1: 13-14

"And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation.  Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God's possession- to the praise of his glory." Ephesians 1:13-14


I have read these verses a million times before, but I read them and meditated on them last night and it is sooooo cool!!!

First of all we are "included in Christ"!  Such a cool thought to be INCLUDED in Christ.

The word of truth = gospel of our salvation

We were included in Christ when we heard and believed the word of truth-the gospel which brought us our salvation!

We were marked in Christ with a seal of the Holy Spirit.  The "promised" Holy Spirit.  God "deposits" the Holy Spirit in us.  This deposit guarantees our inheritance in Christ.  We are God's possession.  He is going to redeem us.

And all of this is for the "praise of his glory".  Have you ever actually broken down the idea that we are for the PRAISE. OF. HIS. GLORY.?  Our lives should be a living praise for Him.  For His glory.  So cool!

But the coolest part of this whole passage that I had never really seen before was the type of vocabulary used.  All throughout the passage there is vocabulary related to money, banking, etc.

~marked
~seal
~deposit
~guaranteeing
~inheritance
~redemption
~possession

I don't really know why I didn't see this before, but it is such a cool parallel!

And in Spanish it reads:

"En él también ustedes, cuando oyeron el mensaje de la verdad, el evangelio que les trajo la salvación, y lo creyeron, fueron marcados con el sello que es el Espirítu Santo prometido.  Este garantiza nuestra herencia hasta que llegue la redención final del pueblo adquirido por Dios, para alabanza de su gloria." Efesios 1: 13-14

Que padre!!!  God's possession = el pueblo adquirido

Como esta escrita en la canción-- "SOMOS EL PUEBLO DE DIOS!  EL PUEBLO DE DIOS!"

NUESTRAS VIDAS SON PARA LA ALABANZA DE SU GLORIA!!!  

What do we really need?

So just about every day I walk past WalMart to catch a bus to go somewhere.  Every day I see the same girl with her 2 children standing in the middle of the street begging for money, food, anything.  The first day I saw probably about 5 people walk right past her not even acknowledging her existence.  This is such a common scene in Mexico.  A person sitting or standing on the side of the street living in complete and utter poverty; they are desperate; they have no hope.  And we just walk by them.  What is wrong with us?

How can I walk by someone who is obviously in need and not even think twice about the coffee that I am going to buy for $3 that could provide a meal for them?  I am truly disgusted with myself.  How can I call myself a follower of Christ if I simply ignore the family standing in the middle of the street?  How can I call myself a follower of Christ if I do not love this family?

About a week ago I walked along the middle of the street and said "hi, good afternoon" to the woman and she was shocked.  She smiled back.  Funny though, she didn't ask for anything.  She just smiled and was happy that somebody actually acknowledged that she existed as a real person.  So for the past week anytime I walk by I make the effort to walk by her and smile and say hi.  Every time I walk by, I always regret that I have forgotten to bring some food with me- a granola bar or something.

Today when I woke up, I was praying and just really seeking the Lord on what I am doing here in Guadalajara, what my purpose is.  And it hit me, no matter where I am at, no matter what my profession is, no matter what I am doing, I am here to love.  The first thing I thought about was this this girl and her children.  When I left the house this morning I remembered to grab some food to give to them.  I walked by and they weren't there.  I'm not gonna lie, I was really sad.  So I went about my day and when I was walking home from the bus stop I saw her.  I don't know why, but I got really excited and God filled me with so much joy.  I must have had a big goofy smile on my face haha.

After almost getting hit by at least 2 cars and 1 bus, I made it to the middle of the street.  I started talking with the little girl who is 6 years old.  I gave her some cookies and she immediately ripped open the bag with a big smile and started eating them.  The mother looked at me and smiled, but didn't say anything.  I went over to her and started talking to her too.  She was holding her son who just turned 2.  The mother is only 20 years old.

Twenty years old.

She is a year younger than me and she is living on the street with her 6 and 2 year old.

She has nothing.  Literally nothing.

God, it breaks my heart.  I'm actually crying right now as I think about it.  I'm sitting here typing on my computer.  I'm living in a really nice house with everything I could possibly want/need.  And yet I am not satisfied?  What is wrong with me?

If I really understood the gospel.  If I really understood who God is.  If I really understood my purpose here on earth, would I really be sitting here typing on a computer I don't need, in a chair I don't need, in a room I don't need, in a house I don't need?  What do I really need?

What do we really need in this life?

I can sing in church: "all I need is You, God", but do I really mean it?  Do I really believe it?  Does my life reflect that?  I know in my heart that I believe it.  All I need is Jesus.  I pray that my mind would get it.  I pray that every day I would be reminded of my complete dependence on Jesus.

Before I knew God...

"Antes de ti" por Marcela Gandara

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AT_GSYa_z7I

Antes de Ti no había razón // no había nada sin Ti.

Before You there was no reason // there was nothing without You.

No había canción en mi corazón // no había nada de mi.

There was no song in my heart // there was nothing in me.

Después de tanto buscarlo lo hallé // mi corazón encontró ese lugar.

After searching for so long, I found it // my heart found that place.

Eres todo lo que quiero // luz a mi alma.

You are all I want // light to my soul.

Todo lo que nesecito // llenas mi espacio.

Everything I need // You fill my emptiness.

Eres mi vida, mi todo // eres lo que quiero para mi.

You are my life, my everything // You are what I want for me.

Y en Ti encontré // la razón de mi existir.

And in You I found // the reason for my existence.

Antes de Ti vacío viví // no había nada en mi.

Before You I lived empty // there was nothing in me.

Sin ilusión en mi corazón // no había nada sin Ti.

Without hope in my heart // there was nothing without You.

Después de tanto buscarlo lo hallé // mi corazón encontró ese lugar.

After searching for so long I found it // my heart found that place

Eres todo lo que quiero // luz a mi alma.

You are all I want // light to my soul.

Todo lo que nesecito // llenas mi espacio.

Everything I need // You fill my emptiness.

Eres mi vida, mi todo // eres lo que quiero para mi.

You are my life, my everything // You are what I want for me.

Y en Ti encontré // la razón.

And in You I found // the reason

Eres todo lo que quiero // luz a mi alma.
You are all I want // light to my soul.
Todo lo que nesecito // llenas mi espacio.
Everything I need // You fill my emptiness.
Eres mi vida, mi todo // eres lo que quiero para mi.
You are my life, my everything // You are what I want for me.
Y en Ti encontré // la razón de mi existir.
And in You I found // the reason for my existence.

Eres mi vida, eres mi todo // eres mi anhelo // la razon de mi existir.

You are my life, you are my everything // you are my desire // the reason for my existence.

Over the past week I have had some really cool conversations about God with various people in Guadalajara.  All of them know about God (in the "saber" way- as in the factual way), but they don't know God (in the "conocer" way- as in a relationship).  It breaks my heart.  It really does.  It makes me think back to before I knew God.  

Wow.  I didn't know God for 19 years of my life.  In fact, I didn't even believe in God for 19 years.  Wow.  God can change hearts.  He can change lives.  He has changed my life.  I had nothing to live for.  There was something missing, even if I didn't realize it at the time.  I was empty trying to fill myself with anything and everything. 

God came in and made me full.  He gave me life.  He gave me life to the fullest.  God is my everything.  He is the reason I am alive.  He is my only hope in this world.  I pray that I would never forget where He has brought me.  I will never forget who I was without God.  I will never forget what God has given me.  He has given me all that I need.  He has given me life.  

I pray that we will never forget.

You Make All Things Work Together For My Good.

Your Love Never Fails- Chris Quilala
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IoezWBPGRAc

Nothing can separate // Even if I ran away // Your love never fails.

I know I still make mistakes // But You have new mercy for me everyday // Your love never fails.

You stay the same through the ages // Your love never changes // There may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning.

And when the oceans rage // I don't have to be afraid // Because I know that You love me // Your love never fails.

The wind is strong and the water's deep // But I'm not alone in these open seas // 'Cause Your love never fails.

The chasm is far too wide // I never thought I'd reach the other side //But Your love never fails.

You make all things work together for my good.

You make all things work together for my good.

You make all things work together for my good.

***

God never changes. His love never fails. His love has never failed us in the past. His love is not currently failing us.  Nor will His love fail us in the future.  HIS LOVE NEVER FAILS.  I'm slowly starting to understand this-slowly. Even when I do not understand why God does something and I become angry, He does not leave.  His love never fails.  God, you make all things work together for my good.

Now if you told me this a few weeks ago, I would not have believed.  I really wanted to believe it, so I kept telling myself this over and over again, but I had such a hard time believing it.  But it is true!

I'm not going to lie and put on a front.  I was angry at God for a good week or two.  I was frustrated and I didn't understand why He closed the doors for me to return to Mexico City.  I truly felt called to serve in Mexico and I had put all of my trust in His will for my future.  When the deadline for all of my support came, I was short-by a lot.  The door had closed for me to return to Mexico City.  I was confused, frustrated, heartbroken.  I had put all of my hope and trust in God providing for Mexico City.  I wanted to be in Mexico City with all of my heart.  I didn't get it.  I cried.  And cried.  And after lots of tears I fell to my knees and prayed.  I cried out to God.  I was on the floor in the middle of my living room face on the ground crying tears and crying out to God.  I kept praying and reminding myself that God has a reason for all of this.  I tried to make myself believe it.  I tried so hard.

And believe it or not, amidst all of the tears and crying out to God I truly felt at peace as I lay on the ground, not knowing what I was going to do.  I don't know why, but I actually believed that God makes all things work together for my good.  I finally realized that I don't have the answers.  I cannot try and take hold of my life.  I guess a good word to describe it would be complete desperation.  I was desperate.  Desperate for Jesus.  I need His direction and guidance in my life always.  It just took that circumstance for me to finally understand.  Father God You make all things work together for my good.

God is good.  He makes all things work together for our good.  After closing the door on returning to Mexico City, God has opened up another door for me to go to Guadalajara.  I am leaving tomorrow.  In less than 24 hours I will be living in Guadalajara indefinitely.  Wow.  God is good.  I will be looking for a job teaching english or translating or anything.  But what I am most excited about is that I will be joining three of my friends starting in January to start an orphanage (casa hogar) and start a church plant.  For the past two years it has been my dream to start and orphanage.  This is my dream.  And now God has given me the opportunity to follow my dream!  Wow.  I am seriously speechless at how good our God is.

YOU MAKE ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR MY GOOD.

God is good. Period.

So over the past few weeks there have been a lot of changes in my future. Along with all of these changes, there was joy, confusion, anger, frustration, peace, and lots and lots of tears and questions. I had a lot of options. Actually, to be completely honest, I think the problem was that I had too many options! These were all of the places that I was thinking of moving:

~staying in Phoenix, AZ
~moving to Flagstaff, AZ--find a job maybe?
~moving to Portland, OR-- not sure why...
~moving to Mexico City, MX-- stint with cru? teach english? study at unam?
~moving to Tijuana, MX-- orphanage?
~moving to San Diego, CA--live with family while volunteering in orphanages near Mexican border
~moving to Guadalajara, MX--
~moving to China

I mean really!?!?!?! That's just crazy and all of those were real options! Ok... well... maybe not China. But I was so desperate I figured why not drop everything and move to China?!?! haha But anyways during this whole time I needed the constant reminder that God was in control and that He is good.

GOD IS GOOD. PERIOD. That's all we need to know. Even when we have no idea where we are going or what we are doing with our future or even tomorrow, WE KNOW THAT GOD IS GOOD!

"Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that."" James 4:13-15

The only thing that we can plan on is that God is good. No matter where He leads us, He is good. GOD IS GOOD. PERIOD.

"Instead of a Show" - Jon Foreman

Jon Foreman- "Instead of a Show"

I hate all your show and pretense
The hypocrisy of your praise
The hypocrisy of your festivals
I hate all your show
Away with your noisy worship
Away with your noisy hymns
I stomp on my ears when you’re singing ‘em
I hate all your show

Instead let there be a flood of justice
An endless procession of righteous living, living
Instead let there be a flood of justice
Instead of a show

Your eyes are closed when you’re praying
You sing right along with the band
You shine up your shoes for services
There’s blood on your hands
You turned your back on the homeless
And the ones that don’t fit in your plan
Quit playing religion games
There’s blood on your hands

Instead let there be a flood of justice
An endless procession of righteous living, living
Instead let there be a flood of justice
Instead of a show
I hate all your show

Let’s argue this out
If your sins are blood red
Let’s argue this out
You’ll be one of the clouds
Let’s argue this out
Quit fooling around
Give love to the ones who can’t love at all
Give hope to the ones who got no hope at all
Stand up for the ones who can’t stand at all, all
I hate all your show
I hate all your show
I hate all your show
I hate all your show

Instead let there be a flood of justice
An endless procession of righteous living, living
Instead let there be a flood of justice
Instead of a show
I hate all your show

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E53qJxltyfI

Habakkuk 3:17-19

"Though the fig tree does not bud

and there are no grapes on the vines,

though the olive crop fails

and the fields produce no food,

though there are no sheep in the pen

and no cattle in the stalls,

yet I will rejoice in the Lord,

I will be joyful in God my Savior.

The Sovereign Lord is my strength;

he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,

he enables me to go on the heights."

Let us rejoice in God even when we have nothing. Oftentimes I feel like when we finally realize that we do in fact have nothing, it is then that we realize that God is our strength and the only thing that we have to hold onto. God is our everything. He is all that matters and I pray that we would seek Him and rejoice in Him and be joyful in our Lord at all times-even when we have nothing.

Luke 12: 22-34 (The Message)

He continued this subject with his disciples. "Don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or if the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your inner life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the ravens, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, carefree in the care of God. And you count far more.

"Has anyone by fussing before the mirror ever gotten taller by so much as an inch? If fussing can't even do that, why fuss at all? Walk into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They don't fuss with their appearance--but have you ever seen color and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them. If God gives such attention to the wildflowers, most of them never even seen, don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you?

"What I'm trying to do here is get you to relax, not be so preoccupied with getting so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep yourself in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Don't be afraid of missing out. You're my dearest friends! The Father wants to give you the very kingdom itself.

"Be generous. Give to the poor. Get yourselves a bank that can't go bankrupt, a bank in heaven far from bankrobbers, safe from embezzlers, a bank you can bank on. It's obvious, isn't it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being."

"The Stand" (Aquí Estoy)-- Hillsong

You stood before creation//Eternity within Your hand

You spoke the earth into motion//My soul now to stand 

You stood before my failure//Carried the Cross for my shame 

My sin weighed upon Your shoulders//My soul now to stand  

So what can I say//What can I do

But offer this heart O God//Completely to You  

So I'll walk upon salvation//Your Spirit alive in me 

This life to declare Your promise//My soul now to stand  

So what can I say//What can I do

But offer this heart O God//Completely to You  

So I’ll stand//With arms high and heart abandoned 

In awe of the One who gave it all//So I’ll stand 

My soul//Lord to You surrendered 

All I am is Yours

Tú eres el principio//tuya es la eternidad, 

Llamaste el mundo a existencia me acerco a ti.  
Moriste por mis fracasos//llevaste mi culpa en la cruz, 
cargaste en tus hombros mi carga//me acerco a ti. 
 ¿Qué puedo hacer//qué puedo decir? 
Te ofrezco mi corazón//completamente a ti. 
tu salvación camino//tu espíritu vive en mí, 
declara  en tus promesas//me acerco a ti.
¿Qué puedo hacer//qué puedo decir? 
Te ofrezco mi corazón//completamente a ti.
Aquí estoy//con manos alzadas vengo, 
Pues tú//todo lo diste por mí. 
Aquí estoy//mi alma a ti entrego, 
Tuyo soy, Señor.

~~           ~~
Tuyo soy Señor.  Quiero vivir mi vida para Ti y solo para Ti.  En ti confio con todo mi corazon.  
*Tu eres mi todo.  
*Tu eres mi esperanza. 
*Tu eres mi amor.  
*Tu eres mi salvacion.
~~           ~~
I am Your's oh Lord.  I want to live my life for You and You alone.  I trust in You will all my heart.
*You are my everything.  
*You are my hope.  
*You are my love.  
*You are my salvation.

The Darkness.

It’s Tuesday night.  About 7pm in Mexico City, the world’s second largest city.  We drive up to a strip in Tepito, the most dangerous part of Latin America.   We get out and immediately you can feel it.  The presence of darkness.

 Women line the streets.  Wait, no. Girls line the streets.  Girls. 16-17 year old girls.  Teenagers.  God’s children line the streets in mini-skirts, dresses, tube-tops, barely any clothing at all. 

God’s beloved daughters standing on the street 5-10 feet apart for a few blocks on either side.  Girls selling themselves.  Men peruse the streets looking for just the right one.  Girls are bid on and auctioned off. 

100 pesos here. 250 pesos there. 

They see themselves as worthless.  Pieces of meat being sold by the hour. 

God’s children; being sold. 

For some, this is their first night.  Others have been in this for over 10 years.  They know no other life.  This is their life: being priced and abused by men every night.  Finding their self-worth in how much a man will pay for them for an hour of abuse.

They are stuck.  They are trapped.  They see no way out.  Some are there to take care of their own children: products of the prostitution.  Others are there because their families need the money.  For some, this is the only way they see to survive.

Walking up and down the streets, you see the desperation in the girl’s eyes.  You see the pain, the hurt, the lies, the abuse. 

The electricity goes out.  All lights go out for blocks on both sides.  Screams.  People running around.  Confusion.  Violence.  Darkness.  You can feel the presence of Satan on the streets.

We look at each other, with the same expression on our faces.  Confidence.  Not fear, but confidence in the Lord.  We continue on.  We talk to the girls.

I step off to the side as the others talk to a few girls.  I stand there in complete awe of what I am witnessing. 

I pray. 

A man comes up to me.  At first I am still praying, so I don’t fully notice him.  He approaches me and makes a proposition to me.  I didn’t fully understand all that he said, but I know that I heard “Cuanto cuesta para el sexo?” (“How much for sex?”).  Stunned, I quickly said no, shook my head, and gave the shake of the finger.  Still completely stunned, I quickly joined the others. 

We continue walking down the streets and we eventually turn back.

God has truly opened up my heart through this experience. 

God’s children are out there, all over the world: lost, hurting, searching for love.

It is my prayer that God’s love would shine through us.  That these girls would not see us a judging them, or thinking of ourselves as better than them, but as broken women as well.  I pray that God would give us the words to say to these girls to show them His love. 

I also pray that God would continue to give us confidence and boldness in the Holy Spirit to go out into the darkness and that He would protect us amidst all of the spiritual warfare.

I am nothing without God.

I am learning that in all actuality, I am nothing.  Now let's stop for a second.  Do we often admit that we are "nothing"?  No we don't.  It's actually really hard to come to terms with this idea that we are, in fact, nothing.  But when we look at the grandness of all who God is, the idea that we are nothing, is real.  God is so huge.  Without Him I am nothing.  Really.  I need to stop every morning before I start getting ready to remember this.  I am nothing without God.  I would not exist.  The people around me would not exist.  The trees outside my window.  The flowers on my table.  The food I eat.  The apartment I live in.  This world.  This world would not exist without God.  

Wow.  This is such a basic truth, and yet half of the time I live trying to ignore it.  I am nothing, but God has chosen me to do His work.  What?!?!  The God who created the universe. The God who created me. The God who created you, has chosen us to follow Him and do His work and experience His love?!?!  Wow this is truly incredible!  How is it possible that I could forget this so often?  I mean, really, this is huge.  It is truly remarkable that God would choose me, a twenty year old girl who really has no idea what she is doing with her life to serve alongside Him.  I am nothing.

Even as I sit here in Starbucks trying to focus on writing this blog, I am completely distracted.  I've got three or four internet tabs open to facebook, gmail, bank stuff, itunes, etc.  It's truly ridiculous.  I am constantly surrounding myself with stuff that I don't need.  Stuff that separates me from enjoying the true presence of God.  Why?  Why do I do this to myself?  What if I actually focused all of my time and energy onto serving God?  What would that even look like?  

What if I truly believed in my heart the promises of God.  I want to. I want to believe them so much.  But something is holding me back.  Something.  I think I am finally starting to realize that this "something" is myself.  My own pride.  My life is so full of pride.  It disgusts me.  I am living for myself.  On the outside I may look like the girl who wants to go out and serve everyone and who is always happy and thinking of others, but on the inside I have so much pride.  I hate it.  I want to stop living for myself and live completely and fully for God.  For the God that created me.

Even as I write this, I can't help but laugh.  I am so unfocused.  So I'm sitting on the patio of Starbucks in Zona Rosa in DF and looking at all of the people walking by.  God loves each and everyone of them more than I could ever imagine.  They are His children.  His sons and daughters.  I wish that every second of every day I would see all of the people around me as God's children.  How would I treat them differently?  What if I saw every person for who God made them to be?  What if I stopped focusing on myself, my struggles, my pains, my hurts, my sorrows, and refocused all of that energy onto loving others?  

That is my goal for my time down here in Mexico.  I want to learn how to see everyone as God's child and love them as I have been loved by God.  That's it. 

Please join me in praying that I would not get in the way of God's plans.  That my stubbornness, my selfishness, and my pride would not hinder me from following God's will.  That in everything that I do, I would be following God.  Living for God in every moment of my day.  Dying to myself and to this world.

A broken city with hope for more

Every day I am completely amazed at how much our world needs hope.  I walk around the streets and see people. People hurting, people dying, people starving, people who appear to have it all together.  People walk around worshiping "Santa Muerte" (the saint of death).  It truly breaks my heart to see people who have no hope, no life, nothing.  Even though there is so much darkness in DF, there is also a lot of hope and followers of Christ amidst everything going on.  I have hope for this city.  The second largest city in the world, I have hope for because Christ is here.  God is in this city.  He is here at work in people's hearts.  He is here.  

Dios eterno, tu luz por siempre vivirá.

So it is officially two weeks in the city.  I am so excited to finally start getting into a schedule with my ministry.  Generally my weeks are going to involve going onto campus to start movements two days a week/one day service at Recobro or another place/one day at Tepito with prostitutes/service projects, etc.  I cannot wait for all of these amazing opportunities that God has given me.

Tomorrow I am going to have a staff meeting and then afterwards I get to go to Recobro.  Recobro is a home where women and children with mental disabilities live.  They are unable to communicate and have so many difficulties living daily life that the government of Mexico has completely thrown them aside.  They receive no help, nothing.  This Christ centered home for them allows people to go in an show love to them.  I am so excited.  I have heard stories about how hard it is to go, because the women and children just break your hearts.  I think that it is about time that my heart has been broken.  This past semester I have been so selfish and focused on myself and all of the difficulties that I have run into that I completely dismiss the struggles of others.  I am ready to love others.  I am ready to actually live like God has called me to live: loving others.

I am so excited for Wednesdays.  This Wednesday I am going to Tepito, the most dangerous town of all of Latin America.  This is where the gangs, the violence, the homeless, the drug cartel, the mafia, the prostitutes, the sex slave trade are all born.  This is where it all starts.  I feel like God is calling me to go there.  I want to work with the prostitutes.  I want to show them hope, love, acceptance, Jesus.  They have nothing to live for.  They sell themselves.  They know no other life.  I want to see God work in their lives, in their hearts.  I can't even really explain it, but my heart hurts for them.  I want to go there and be there with them.  I don't know what God is going to do, but I want to be there and experience the amazing ways that He is going to work.

There are just so many opportunities to serve.  I am so excited.  I am also going to hopefully get involved in a rehab-home for 11-12 year old girls and their children.  Yes that's right, 11-12 year old girls and their babies.  It just breaks my heart to even think of what their lives must be like.  These are girls who are still children and yet they have grown up in such an oppressive environment that has caused them to have children of their own.  I don't even really know what to say or to think, but I do know one thing. I know that I want to love them. I don't really know what that looks like, but I know that God is calling me to do it.

Gosh, these two weeks have been so wonderful.  I really feel like God has been clearing some things up for me.  I have no doubt in my mind that God  has me here for a reason.  I am so excited to do Stint (1 year internship) starting in August down here.  It is just so right.  I cannot wait.  I know that God has huge plans.

Please join me in praying against all of the spiritual warfare that we are experiencing down here.  God is doing huge things down here.

What if...

Grace:  We do not deserve it.  We can do nothing to get it.  God has given it to us freely.  My prayer for our stay in Mexico City is that we do not take for granted the amazing amount of grace that God has given to us. 

~You said, “Ask and you will receive whatever you need”  Oh Lord, I ask for the nations~            *Hillsong*

Wow!  God has provided for us in every way possible.  It is absolutely amazing.  And it is still truly a mystery to me.  I have no idea how this has happened.  There is really no explanation but God’s grace poured out into our lives.  I mean really, how do three girls who have only spent 7 weeks together decide to drop everything and move to Mexico???  7 weeks together, over 6 months apart—3 girls move to Mexico City, the second largest city in the world, and probably the most dangerous.  Why you might ask? Well I really can’t tell you, because I still can’t fully comprehend it, but I do know that God has brought the three of us together for something big.  And I don’t just mean something big in just our ministry will happen in Mexico City (DF), but something big in our hearts as well.

It has only been one week since we have arrived and we have already seen huge changes in our hearts towards so many things.  There is so much going on in this world that we are so unaware of or that we oftentimes choose to ignore.  My eyes have truly been opened to the realities of the world down here in DF.  Homelessness, poverty, abuse, orphans, corruption, violence, gangs, the wealth gap, the demeaning treatment of women, prostitution…  You name it, we have seen it here.  At first it can be completely overwhelming to see how these people are treated.  But unfortunately sometimes we have become so accustomed to seeing these things that we forget.  What if we saw the world and the people as God does?  What if we had God’s heart?  What if we really cared?  It is my prayer that God would give us His heart, His passion.

God has completely blessed us so so so much.  It is truly unfathomable.  We deserve nothing and yet God has so freely given to us all that we could ever need or want. 

~How great is our God~            *Chris Tomlin*

The second day we arrive in DF God provides us with an apartment.  A home.  A home where we can have people stay.  A home where we can feed people.  A home to serve others.  A home that is truly centered around fellowship and Christ.  Our home has everything that we could ever possibly need.  We moved in on Monday at 4 and by 6, it truly felt like our home.  It is just so right, so perfect, such a blessing.  I am so excited to see how God will use this home that He has given us to bless our neighbors, our security guards, university students, the homeless, the people of Mexico City.

~We cannot change on our own~              *Lecrae*

I want to fully depend on Christ in all areas of my life.  For so much of my life I have relied on myself to “become a better person”.  Over this past life-changing year, I have truly learned that I cannot change on my own.  We all need help.  We all need Christ.  What does it mean to be fully dependent on Christ?  I mean, FULLY DEPENDENT ON CHRIST IN ALL AREAS OF MY LIFE???  What does that even look like?  Our world is so backwards that we cannot even fathom what it would truly look like to follow Christ in all that we do: Wake up and fall to my knees thanking God for my life, worshipping our Savior, falling even more in love with my Father, learning to love and serve Him in all that I do: every second of every minute of every hour of every day of my life: ALL FOR HIM. 

What would that look like? 

How would our world be different? 

How would our lives be different?

What if we followed Jesus? 

What if we truly believed?

What if we completely humbled ourselves before the Creator of the Universe?

We always ask “WHAT IF?”

What if we stopped asking “what if?” and just did it?

WHAT IF…   

 

Life is soooo good!

so we have only been in mexico city for like three full days and it has been so amazing. god is soooo good. he has truly provided for us here. first of all our friend javo picked us up from the airport without telling us. such a blessing. love it. then we already had a hotel lined up for us to stay the first night. then alicia, becca and i plan out what we want to learn and how we want to grow during our 6 months here. the coffee shop dream. thats all i really have to say. it is going to happen. i know it will. god is sooooo good. we are all on the same page and it is amazing. i am so excited to see how we grow.

so our second day in df we go check out an apartment and it is perfect!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! right in the middle of the city. right next to a metro station. perfect price. just pefect. safe. yellow walls. 2 bedrooms. bathroom. kitchen!!! living room with amazing couch and really cute table! coffee maker! oxxo right around the corner. perfect. absolutely perfect.

third day in the city. new years eve! amazing! so in the afternoon we are walking down the street and we meet a couple of guys and their two kids-nephews. so we decide to meet them later and they drive us to the angel in the middle of the city. there is a huge concert with a really popular singer, but we didnt know who he was! jaja :) so then they invite us to have dinner with all of their family at their house. so we walk in and there are probably 20 or so people and we definitely stand out as 3 gringas! so we dance and listen to music and they serve us dinner! they dont even know us and yet they take us into their house. it was so much fun to celebrate new years with our new mexican family! so then their tradition is to right at midnight to eat 12 grapes as fast as they can and to make wishes for each month-grape. so much fun. and then later that night we went out and shot off fireworks. yes thats right. we shot off fireworks. then some police men started walking towards us and we asked our new friend samar if fireworks were illegal. and he was like yeah... totally calm and the three of us start freaking out thinking that we might have to go to jail! jaja. but he was messing with us, because they are all friends with the police. such a good end to the night. love it!

then the next day we just walk around the city and go back to lots of places from the summer--la bella lula, amazing pizza place, hotel mallorca, zocalo, starbucks, some more starbucks, and then a mc'cafe which is definitely a coffee shop in mcdonalds, but it is amazing!!!-- and now we have plans to go to pachuca to visit our friend javo and then to toluca to visit all of our friends this weekend! so so so exciting! i cannot wait!

yay! yay! yay! so god is soo soo good. and i cannot wait to see what happens. oh my gosh, it has only been less than four days and we have six months! i cannot wait! i love you all so much! ah! you should all come to visit! :)