What do we really need?

So just about every day I walk past WalMart to catch a bus to go somewhere.  Every day I see the same girl with her 2 children standing in the middle of the street begging for money, food, anything.  The first day I saw probably about 5 people walk right past her not even acknowledging her existence.  This is such a common scene in Mexico.  A person sitting or standing on the side of the street living in complete and utter poverty; they are desperate; they have no hope.  And we just walk by them.  What is wrong with us?

How can I walk by someone who is obviously in need and not even think twice about the coffee that I am going to buy for $3 that could provide a meal for them?  I am truly disgusted with myself.  How can I call myself a follower of Christ if I simply ignore the family standing in the middle of the street?  How can I call myself a follower of Christ if I do not love this family?

About a week ago I walked along the middle of the street and said "hi, good afternoon" to the woman and she was shocked.  She smiled back.  Funny though, she didn't ask for anything.  She just smiled and was happy that somebody actually acknowledged that she existed as a real person.  So for the past week anytime I walk by I make the effort to walk by her and smile and say hi.  Every time I walk by, I always regret that I have forgotten to bring some food with me- a granola bar or something.

Today when I woke up, I was praying and just really seeking the Lord on what I am doing here in Guadalajara, what my purpose is.  And it hit me, no matter where I am at, no matter what my profession is, no matter what I am doing, I am here to love.  The first thing I thought about was this this girl and her children.  When I left the house this morning I remembered to grab some food to give to them.  I walked by and they weren't there.  I'm not gonna lie, I was really sad.  So I went about my day and when I was walking home from the bus stop I saw her.  I don't know why, but I got really excited and God filled me with so much joy.  I must have had a big goofy smile on my face haha.

After almost getting hit by at least 2 cars and 1 bus, I made it to the middle of the street.  I started talking with the little girl who is 6 years old.  I gave her some cookies and she immediately ripped open the bag with a big smile and started eating them.  The mother looked at me and smiled, but didn't say anything.  I went over to her and started talking to her too.  She was holding her son who just turned 2.  The mother is only 20 years old.

Twenty years old.

She is a year younger than me and she is living on the street with her 6 and 2 year old.

She has nothing.  Literally nothing.

God, it breaks my heart.  I'm actually crying right now as I think about it.  I'm sitting here typing on my computer.  I'm living in a really nice house with everything I could possibly want/need.  And yet I am not satisfied?  What is wrong with me?

If I really understood the gospel.  If I really understood who God is.  If I really understood my purpose here on earth, would I really be sitting here typing on a computer I don't need, in a chair I don't need, in a room I don't need, in a house I don't need?  What do I really need?

What do we really need in this life?

I can sing in church: "all I need is You, God", but do I really mean it?  Do I really believe it?  Does my life reflect that?  I know in my heart that I believe it.  All I need is Jesus.  I pray that my mind would get it.  I pray that every day I would be reminded of my complete dependence on Jesus.

Before I knew God...

"Antes de ti" por Marcela Gandara

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AT_GSYa_z7I

Antes de Ti no había razón // no había nada sin Ti.

Before You there was no reason // there was nothing without You.

No había canción en mi corazón // no había nada de mi.

There was no song in my heart // there was nothing in me.

Después de tanto buscarlo lo hallé // mi corazón encontró ese lugar.

After searching for so long, I found it // my heart found that place.

Eres todo lo que quiero // luz a mi alma.

You are all I want // light to my soul.

Todo lo que nesecito // llenas mi espacio.

Everything I need // You fill my emptiness.

Eres mi vida, mi todo // eres lo que quiero para mi.

You are my life, my everything // You are what I want for me.

Y en Ti encontré // la razón de mi existir.

And in You I found // the reason for my existence.

Antes de Ti vacío viví // no había nada en mi.

Before You I lived empty // there was nothing in me.

Sin ilusión en mi corazón // no había nada sin Ti.

Without hope in my heart // there was nothing without You.

Después de tanto buscarlo lo hallé // mi corazón encontró ese lugar.

After searching for so long I found it // my heart found that place

Eres todo lo que quiero // luz a mi alma.

You are all I want // light to my soul.

Todo lo que nesecito // llenas mi espacio.

Everything I need // You fill my emptiness.

Eres mi vida, mi todo // eres lo que quiero para mi.

You are my life, my everything // You are what I want for me.

Y en Ti encontré // la razón.

And in You I found // the reason

Eres todo lo que quiero // luz a mi alma.
You are all I want // light to my soul.
Todo lo que nesecito // llenas mi espacio.
Everything I need // You fill my emptiness.
Eres mi vida, mi todo // eres lo que quiero para mi.
You are my life, my everything // You are what I want for me.
Y en Ti encontré // la razón de mi existir.
And in You I found // the reason for my existence.

Eres mi vida, eres mi todo // eres mi anhelo // la razon de mi existir.

You are my life, you are my everything // you are my desire // the reason for my existence.

Over the past week I have had some really cool conversations about God with various people in Guadalajara.  All of them know about God (in the "saber" way- as in the factual way), but they don't know God (in the "conocer" way- as in a relationship).  It breaks my heart.  It really does.  It makes me think back to before I knew God.  

Wow.  I didn't know God for 19 years of my life.  In fact, I didn't even believe in God for 19 years.  Wow.  God can change hearts.  He can change lives.  He has changed my life.  I had nothing to live for.  There was something missing, even if I didn't realize it at the time.  I was empty trying to fill myself with anything and everything. 

God came in and made me full.  He gave me life.  He gave me life to the fullest.  God is my everything.  He is the reason I am alive.  He is my only hope in this world.  I pray that I would never forget where He has brought me.  I will never forget who I was without God.  I will never forget what God has given me.  He has given me all that I need.  He has given me life.  

I pray that we will never forget.

You Make All Things Work Together For My Good.

Your Love Never Fails- Chris Quilala
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IoezWBPGRAc

Nothing can separate // Even if I ran away // Your love never fails.

I know I still make mistakes // But You have new mercy for me everyday // Your love never fails.

You stay the same through the ages // Your love never changes // There may be pain in the night but joy comes in the morning.

And when the oceans rage // I don't have to be afraid // Because I know that You love me // Your love never fails.

The wind is strong and the water's deep // But I'm not alone in these open seas // 'Cause Your love never fails.

The chasm is far too wide // I never thought I'd reach the other side //But Your love never fails.

You make all things work together for my good.

You make all things work together for my good.

You make all things work together for my good.

***

God never changes. His love never fails. His love has never failed us in the past. His love is not currently failing us.  Nor will His love fail us in the future.  HIS LOVE NEVER FAILS.  I'm slowly starting to understand this-slowly. Even when I do not understand why God does something and I become angry, He does not leave.  His love never fails.  God, you make all things work together for my good.

Now if you told me this a few weeks ago, I would not have believed.  I really wanted to believe it, so I kept telling myself this over and over again, but I had such a hard time believing it.  But it is true!

I'm not going to lie and put on a front.  I was angry at God for a good week or two.  I was frustrated and I didn't understand why He closed the doors for me to return to Mexico City.  I truly felt called to serve in Mexico and I had put all of my trust in His will for my future.  When the deadline for all of my support came, I was short-by a lot.  The door had closed for me to return to Mexico City.  I was confused, frustrated, heartbroken.  I had put all of my hope and trust in God providing for Mexico City.  I wanted to be in Mexico City with all of my heart.  I didn't get it.  I cried.  And cried.  And after lots of tears I fell to my knees and prayed.  I cried out to God.  I was on the floor in the middle of my living room face on the ground crying tears and crying out to God.  I kept praying and reminding myself that God has a reason for all of this.  I tried to make myself believe it.  I tried so hard.

And believe it or not, amidst all of the tears and crying out to God I truly felt at peace as I lay on the ground, not knowing what I was going to do.  I don't know why, but I actually believed that God makes all things work together for my good.  I finally realized that I don't have the answers.  I cannot try and take hold of my life.  I guess a good word to describe it would be complete desperation.  I was desperate.  Desperate for Jesus.  I need His direction and guidance in my life always.  It just took that circumstance for me to finally understand.  Father God You make all things work together for my good.

God is good.  He makes all things work together for our good.  After closing the door on returning to Mexico City, God has opened up another door for me to go to Guadalajara.  I am leaving tomorrow.  In less than 24 hours I will be living in Guadalajara indefinitely.  Wow.  God is good.  I will be looking for a job teaching english or translating or anything.  But what I am most excited about is that I will be joining three of my friends starting in January to start an orphanage (casa hogar) and start a church plant.  For the past two years it has been my dream to start and orphanage.  This is my dream.  And now God has given me the opportunity to follow my dream!  Wow.  I am seriously speechless at how good our God is.

YOU MAKE ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR MY GOOD.